Plan C – Taking the Pills

I am grateful for the couple of pain-free days. Truly, I am. It was a great reprieve, I felt alive again. I wanted to run a mile, or dance in the rain, shout from the rooftops. When you have spent every moment in pain for years, even one day with no pain is worth celebrating … Continue reading Plan C – Taking the Pills →

Learning to Live in the Gray

I was well into my thirties before I realized that my mind doesn't work the same as everyone else's mind. I don't see gray, I see black or white. There is no middle ground - you either are or you aren't, you're in or you're out. Some people think outside of the box, and I … Continue reading Learning to Live in the Gray →

I Can’t…and That’s Okay

I can't. Those are two words I seldom use together. Growing up, my mom was determined to make sure I was never in a position where I would have to rely on anyone (as she had been let down too many times). When I said I can't, she would correct me and tell me that … Continue reading I Can’t…and That’s Okay →

Plan B

Yesterday was tough. In the morning, my nose was a little drippy. I sneezed a few times and thought that there must be some allergens in the air. By the afternoon, I felt the familiar pain in my lower left abdomen with every sneeze. I expected the pain, just not until Sunday. By the evening, … Continue reading Plan B →

Juiced

I woke up on day one to a text from my aunt in Arizona. She sent me a scripture and a photo of her juice. I am the person who does this kind of stuff for other people, and I am not used to being on the receiving end. It is humbling, encouraging, and it … Continue reading Juiced →

Plan A

I have learned over time that there are two things I need when making a big change, a life change. The first is time. Time to prepare mentally, to make a plan. The other is accountability. When I quit smoking, for instance, I knew for years that I wanted to quit. I would throw full … Continue reading Plan A →

I Am Weak

Have you ever had to wait for the results of a blood test? As we age, our doctors will order routine blood work just to make sure everything is normal. Some of us will get a little apprehensive even though we have no symptoms. But that is not what I am talking about. Have you … Continue reading I Am Weak →

Sinking

I was five years old the first time I remember leaving Phoenix. On a hot summer night, my mother loaded up her red Toyota pickup truck with all of the belongings she could fit, and my sister and I climbed in next to her. I don't remember what specific emotions I was feeling, but they … Continue reading Sinking →

I Am Enough

I spent last Sunday night in the emergency room. At around 9 o'clock in the evening, I called my husband into the bedroom where I was lying down. When he asked what I needed I told him I wasn't sure, just that I needed him. I am not a needy person, and may have never … Continue reading I Am Enough →

I Surrender All

"Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong. But life hits you out of nowhere, barely leaves you holding on." This is the beginning of Just Be Held by the Christian rock group Casting Crowns. This song has been my anthem this week. Monday began with denial. On Tuesday my fear of birds was set … Continue reading I Surrender All →