When God gives you a promise, you hold onto it. Whether it takes two days or twenty years, you keep your fingers wrapped tightly around that promise. I once prayed every night for a whole year for God to change a situation – and I didn’t even have a promise, only hope.
And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint; Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man: And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary. And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man; Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me. And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith. And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them?
Luke 18:1-7
It has been two and a half years – 987 days to be exact – that I have had mastitis. During the course of treatment, I have become allergic to two antibiotics, endured surgery twice – once while I was under anesthesia, and once while I was awake in the emergency room. I have had countless ultrasounds, attempted aspiration of the abscess with a needle (twice), and had a biopsy – and the end result of all of that treatment is that I have an open wound that will not close, and a pocket of fluid that won’t recede. It has been just over two years since endometriosis crept into my abdominal wall and plagued me with some of the worst pain I have endured. I am sure that there have been days that I have failed to ask for healing. If I am completely honest, there have probably been weeks that I failed to ask for healing. I have had my share of pity parties, wondering why God wouldn’t heal me. I have prayed the “God, please help me to learn what it is you want me to learn through this trial” prayer many times. I figured if I could just learn the lesson, I would be healed. But it isn’t that easy. No matter how long I fasted, how often I prayed, or what sacrifice I offered God, I could not earn a healing.
Recently, my sister spoke at a ladies’ conference in Central California. Near the end of service, I heard roll. Now, I am an Apostolic, so the term Holy Roller isn’t foreign to me. However, I dismissed the thought, thinking I was just being crazy. Besides, there was no room to roll if I had wanted to – and let me be completely honest – I didn’t want to. Then I remembered Naaman. In 2 Kings, chapter 5, you can read about how he went to the prophet for healing and was told to bathe in the Jordan River. What he wanted was some glorious thing to do, and what he was told to do was less than desirable. He nearly missed out on a healing because he refused to obey, but he had some good people by his side who encouraged him to just do what the prophet said. Naaman was a leper, and he was healed because he was obedient – even when he was told to do something off the wall that didn’t make any sense in the natural realm. Even though I considered all of this, I went back to my seat.
The next night, (back at home) at the end of our Sunday evening church service, I heard it again, roll. I hesitated, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. So I responded. I said, “God, if you want me to roll around on this ground, you’re going to have to send someone over here to tell me.” To some that may seem crazy, either that I was having a conversation with God in my head, or that I would question God. Maybe I was crazy, but what happened next wasn’t at all crazy. I stood there, repeating my prayer. I wanted to obey, but I didn’t want to get on the ground and roll around. I needed confirmation that this was from God. I told Him exactly that, “I will do what you have asked me, if you will just send someone to confirm that this is what you want from me.” Just moments later, my pastor stopped the music and said, “I don’t know what God is telling you to do, and it may not seem normal, but just obey.” Well, it didn’t seem normal. And in the natural, there is no way that rolling around on the ground was going to change anything. But God doesn’t operate in the natural, He operates in the spiritual – the miraculous. So, I sat down on the ground with my feet out in front of me. I laid my body back and I put my hands over my face…and I rolled. When I got up, I danced, I shouted, and I rejoiced because I knew something had changed. Even if it wasn’t the healing I was hoping for, it was a step on this journey that I had to take. It wasn’t my sacrifice. It was my obedience.
And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22
I don’t understand the things of God sometimes. I know I have a promise that I am holding onto, and I am going to keep coming back and asking for the healing that I know is mine. What I have learned is that God hears me. He sees where I am, and He sees where He wants me to be. I am thankful today that God walks with me in the valley. Victory is just around the corner.
Uncommonly Common Mom 